Yesterday I saw I photo of myself where I looked wider than I normally do. I don't know why, maybe it was the lighting? I didn't like the picture and immediately felt a little deflated. Later that evening I reflected on the progress I've made over the last 4 months of using my own workbook, The How-To-Guide to Happy Eating. My Vo2 max has improved. My step count has doubled since my elbow excision surgery in April. I've been strength training and have rid myself of downhill knee pain and a pesky hamstring injury. I know I am getting stronger. I know I am getting faster. I know the mileage I can do this week far surpasses what I could do a few months ago. I feel better, more capable. And all it takes is one dumb photo at a weird angle to make me question all my life choices. I could feel the familiar despair immediately: this isn't working, I'm doing something wrong, this isn't right. Here's me, using the book THAT I WROTE, having the exact success I planned for, looking down at the last week saying to myself, Maybe I don't know anything...
The belief to value the thinnest, tiniest version of ourselves over every other measure ...it runs deep.
Of course, my brain (left to herself) does not scan for evidence to the contrary. But as I flipped through the last several weeks, I started to see it. ("I am getting stronger and faster" meant something different in week 12 than it did in week 3) Which is what lead me to my intentional thought for this week: KEEP GOING, you're doing better than you think you are.
Here are a few more of my intentional thoughts from previous weeks:
I am getting stronger and faster every day. I am capable.
I love feeling powerful. This is totally doable.
I am an athlete. Progress is yummy.
I'm right on track. I am fast and strong.
Everything is working out for my good. I'm so blessed.
It all counts.
Stay in today. Baby steps.
What are you thinking on purpose today?
PS I can't wait to show you my finished workbook. I'm so so so excited to get my hands on an actual copy!